Note To Self: It’s hard to eat slowly when you forget the taste and only wish to be full.

So now I’m sitting after having put in my new contacts for the 4th time. This time a little more easier then the last.

Ugh… my shoulders are sore from last nights bowling ball game and it’s again making me worry about the shape my body’s in. Though I suppose I could work on it once yoga starts.

My mind is kind of blank, and pleases itself by filling up the void with metaphorical things. Currently, the song “I don’t want to fall in love” by She Wants Revenge continues to replay itself in my head for several reasons and I’m tempted to plug in in on my Ipod. But I hesitate lest the feeling leaves me once I do it.

My family is moments from leaving our hotel, and so I doubt I’ll write much more on this, or elaborate. I’ll probably copy this onto my blog, in which case you others will have these and later thoughts to browse though. Right now I’m distracted and irritated. I wish I could articulate my feelings in such a way as to express why. But I never really can define the moment until the moment has passed.

- 

So here I am, sipping on lemongrass tea trying to calm my nerves after arriving home from my mother’s day/weekend excustion. The above I’ve retyped after writing what you are now reading, so this may seem a bit backwards. But I’m enabled to describe the sensations I felt earlier.

(I am not looking forward to school in the slightest, here comes the crunch time, and I don’t know if I can survive these last two or three weeks completely.)

Now what? I’ve read friend’s blogs, and I’m again and again baffled while I laugh inside at how I can remember lessons I’ve already known, and then realize how my current situation requires the meditation of those lessons. Lest I’m doomed to repeat a stupid mistake.

 Yet eagerness can make us all jump the cliff before we strech our legs. What a fool I may again turn out to be.

That feeling you can only say in french (Random Messages, Coincidence, Long Letters, Vacations, Eagerness, an Understanding, Possible Meeting). How damned it is that I again am walking down the same steps that made me trip head over heels for someone once. Yet this time, out of a stupid desire for returned emotions, I’m running down them.

Or, is he? Well, wasn’t he the one who first is already is asking for an encounter? Then again, I’m the one who seeks the same as well, and I remember the familiar feeling I became immersed in last time I spoke in such a way with someone. I feel I may become overzealous to seek it out again.

-Pours himself his second cup of tea-

If only he understood what is meant by my fear. It’s my fear of being stupid. Of assuming that because it happened once (Euphoria), this will happen the same way. That is SO nieve of me…. yet… I can’t help myself from wanting to rush anyway. (and thus, the reason I found that oh so great yet awful meaning in my friends blog. It seems that twists of fate/karma/destiny/ka demand to bring them to me, whether I decide listen or not.)

But there’s always that: Then again…. who knows. It could work different, and regardless, friends like that are always desirable to have around. (Bullshit, I know the truth, even if I can’t articulate it)

And that’s why I seem to throw on my blinders and run in one direction, entirely too fast for my sanity to think it through.

 -sigh-

Doesn’t really matter. If I make a fool of myself, I’ll look at this and say “Yep, I was an idiot, and I knew it before I even began.”

I think I may try to pull back on the reigns a bit… just a little….. untill I feel something for real, not the imagined possibility that I will.

 -Pours his last cup of tea. Begins to copy the introduction. And removes his contacts.-

It’s a nice feeling when a blog begins and ends full circle. =]

-Dan |-8-|